Rabbit World View

When I came into this world I was already in a home with cats and dogs. They were my siblings and I grew to love them more than anything or anyone in the world. You could say they are responsible for seeing me through my rocky adolescence safely. Then came the cockatiels - one purposeful and three rescued, shortly followed by parakeets. A few hamsters came, lived full lives, and then went. One mouse that bit the hell out of me. But not until 5 years ago did a rabbit grace me with his presence.

Rabbit the Bruce looked up at me from a plexiglass enclosure, the obvious runt out of four rabbits. I had never been one to like pet shops, but I was a sophomore in college and missing my animals at home. I certainly didn't come in with the intention of taking anything out with me -- it was prohibited to have pets in the dorms, not to mention I favored the company of cats and dogs over small animals. 

But, as fate would have it, a man walked in. Now, I know everything has to eat, and as a fan of reptiles myself I'm well aware snakes sometimes eat rabbits, but it had better be a fairly large snake so as to not get hurt, and usually large rats are safer. This man strolled back to the rabbit cage and said he had been waiting until his python reached 4 feet -- and now that it finally had he was going to give it a real treat. He wanted the runt. Couldn't wait to watch his snake crush it, he said.

Bruce was little, but he wasn't that little. The man struck me odd, and to put it nicely the first descriptive word that came to mind was "arrogant," shortly followed by "ignorant." It was one of those "you'd have to be there to understand" situations, I guess. I question reptile owners that get overly excited about killing, suffice to say.

So Bruce took this opportune moment, and I shit you not, to reach up his little paws towards me. It was as quick as scoop, cuddle and credit card. Needless to say the asshole gentleman wasn't too happy and swore a few times before picking out an adult rat. I know I probably just deterred him temporarily, sadist that he seemed to be, but Rabbit the Bruce had reached up to me and I dare you to say no to a baby bunny sometime. It's hard!

And then I had a rabbit. A creature I knew little about. Oh, but was I going to learn...

LESSON ONE: MATERIAL THINGS ARE TEMPORARY

As a literature major, I am pretty attached to books. Bruce quickly taught me that I should never ignore him for the books. If I do, he will eat them.

LESSON TWO: BARE IS BEAUTIFUL

Okay, it's not really beautiful -- blinding maybe. I have difficulty tanning. I don't go running around naked on purpose, but more than once now I have found that dear Bruce has nibbled a hole in a few strategic locations. Mostly in the back pockets on my jeans, noticed later upon feeling drafty. 

LESSON THREE: ALWAYS CARRY A SPARE

The last thing you want to do is sit down to pee in a house full of guys and notice that your toilet paper has been eaten by a rabbit. Oddly specific? This may have happened. Let me just tell you that wiping with the cardboard tube is a poor choice. 

LESSON FOUR: BUY CANDLES 

What is your first thought when your lamp is out, your computer isn't working, and your TV won't turn on? Power outage? Nope. Rabbit. I don't know if it's some strange fetish for electroshock or if rabbits are secretly Amish terrorists bent on taking out modern appliances. Either way, I can't tell you how many cell phone chargers we've been through.

LESSON FIVE: INVEST IN FLIP FLOPS

Shoelaces are a rabbit delicacy. I don't care where you hide your shoes, your rabbit will eventually find and eat all the shoelaces in your house. I hope you live someplace warm, or you enjoy the tourist look of socks with sandals. I briefly considered asking for those Velcro shoes that light up every time you step -- those were so cool when I was a kid!

LESSON SIX: LOVE IS THE BEST MEDICINE 

Early on my other half and I learned that Bruce had a need to eat everything. If you were paying more attention to something else, it must be destroyed. One day, the little ninja scooted around the manthing lovingly and the next thing we knew manthing's insulin line had been bitten straight through. Type one diabetes? You don't need insulin! Just furry bunny love. LOVE ME! I'm also surprised he's attempted this since then -- insulin can't taste very good.

LESSON SEVEN: HOW RABBITS ARE MADE

One day I came home and little Rabbit the Bruce hugged my arm. HOW CUTE! And then he started humping it. NOT SO CUTE! Fluke? No. Ever heard "multiplying like rabbits?" Well, they only think about two things, so if all of the rest of this has been about food... Yes. Bruce constantly craved love. Mostly cuddles, but then there was that need I just could not/refused to fulfill. So I went out and bought him a dog toy. They didn't have any rabbits, so when I saw this stuffed hedgehog, I thought "close enough." Plus, it grunts when you squeeze it. I'll give you a moment of pause to visualize my thought process here. 

I came home and introduced Bruce to his new artificial friend, and it took all of two second for Bruce to go from "Food?" to "SEX!!!" He went off like a machine gun. To this day, 5 years later, Bruce still has his hedgehog. It's a bit more, erm, gross now. And you can't pick it up anywhere. Rabbits apparently aren't sophisticated enough/don't care enough to distinguish the back end from the front end. 

The good thing about Bruce, though, is he gives more love than you could ever want from an animal. Do I recommend a rabbit as a pet? Absolutely! Do I recommend reading up on rabbits first? YES! Rabbit the Bruce has been such a joyful addition to our family, and still reigns the boss supreme even after the later additions of Poe and Amba, his feline companions. Above all though, Bruce is love. He is in constant want of attention, whether it be cuddling or an audience. Yes, my rabbit performs. He only knows one trick, and it grunts when you squeeze it. 

Cold weather? Do not want!

True to Floridian nature, I have whined mightily for the past few days. It dropped below freezing here and was not the tropical paradise that Florida promises to be. You know you've descended into some comical hell when you look out your front window and see icicles on palm trees.

But what of our furry friends? Sure, we think "ah, they're furry, they stay warm," but it's a myth! In fact, cats and dogs are just as susceptible to hypothermia and frost-byte as we are. when we have a thin layer of clothes on. So while we fix ourselves a cup of Irish coffee and turn our space heaters on with these glorious things called thumbs, what of our whiskered brethren?

There are a few things we, the thumb-bearing gods of the world, can do:

1. Always check under your hood

If you live in the city, or even out in the country, the warmest spot a cat can find as shelter from the cold is usually the manifold of your car. Bad things happen when said cat is still in said car when the car starts. A friend also recommended thumping your hood a good three times so as to scare any cats who might be hiding in there, but as a paranoid person I usually pop mine to be certain. 

This is Molly. She got caught in the fan belt of a car and is lucky to be alive. She's recovering nicely and feeling better with every day:

2. DIY Shelter for Dummies

Not that I'm calling you dummies! You're reading this, so I look to you more like gods with great taste. Or your friend made you click on this and here you are. Either way, you can provide shelter for feral cats or stray dogs in bad weather. It's cheap, easy and gives you an extra warm fuzzy deep down to help you through the perilous winter as well. 

What you'll need: Straw, A tarp OR a large Tupperware bin thing, animal food, and to be diligent about refreshing water that will potentially freeze over. 

Here are what some admirable humans are doing this winter:

Eala from New York has turned her front porch into a feral cat shelter. She used a tarp to keep out the elements, a straw bale, loose straw over the concrete (to keep things dry) and a covered litter box. 

She also has two outdoor shelters made from two covered litter boxes filled with straw. She closed the vents to keep out rain and has several boards up to block wind and rain. Stewie is modeling one of the lovely boards for us.

Alyssa in Stillwater, MN has gone to great lengths to protect a feral colony that lives on her property. She and her husband have converted their whole basement into a shelter out of the elements. 

Her husband also built an outdoor shelter for the cats, complete with safe heated pads (piglet and pet pads).

You don't need anything fancy, though. Alyssa also shared a DIY shelter link (click here for full instructions) to make this simple box that cats love.

Of course, animals being animals, they're not always going to go with what we have planned. Eala built a bivouac of straw bales, complete with tarp and a nice dog bed for her dog who hated being indoors and was afraid of the cats. She said it was surprisingly toasty in the nice little shelter, but instead of staying in there nice and snug, this is what the dog preferred to do:

You can't win 'em all.

3. Brief outdoor excursions

In cold weather, it's best to keep your trips outdoors short. Sure, it's fun to watch your cat wade around in the white stuff or your dog snuff about after getting a nose full of snow. I think. Is it? I live in Florida. Anyway, some things you should know:

Pets can get frostbite:

Though they love exploring in this new winter wonderland, please keep trips brief. Always watch your pet and make sure they do not wander off without you.

Dogs lose their sense of smell in the snow:

If you have a fenced in yard, no worries, but if you're going for a hike, a leash is the safest bet. Dogs have been known to wander off and suffer wounds from frostbite and worse (don't like mentioning the worse) from not being able to find their way back due to loss of smell. 

4. Heating Pet-Magnets

Back to human superiority -- thumbs and whatnot. We have these wonderful things called houses and apartments. Nothing bad can happen in them -- our pets bask in the glory of all our inventions and lounge about in the warmth of our labors. This is mostly true, but you all have heard the saying "curiosity killed the cat." Well, it could scald the family dog, too and the last thing you want is the smell of burning fur wafting about your home, let alone an injured pet.

Choose a space heater that is safe! 

Maggie likes to lounge in front of the space heater her mom picked out for their home her. Stacey of St. Louis, MO is the kind human with the monetary, heat-bestowing powers. Her five dogs take turns in front of this space heater, but it is never hot enough for them to burn or singe their hair on the grating. The best way to find a product that is right for you is by Googling product reviews and asking fellow pet owners with similar room/home sizes. If you need help, please feel free to ask in comments! I live in a tiny 1-bedroom apartment and have been fairly happy with a Lasko Ceramic Tower heater. It will turn off if tipped over, will not burn you if you touch it and the cats adore it. Also, be sure to clean out your space heater's innards from time to time; if you have pets you pretty much know that their fur gets absolutely everywhere!

Keep screens closed on fireplaces!

Amba reminded me the other day that cats will get into absolutely anything. His eyebrow whiskers are curled up on the left side because he wanted to know what a candle was. This in mind, please keep your pet's curiosity in check this winter by keeping that screening closed, just in case. Zion (pictured above) models how fireplaces should be enjoyed.

Double check appliances that produce heat!

Kristen of Houston, Texas caught her kitty Sinclair enjoying the warmest spot in the house. Though he is rather cute lounging there, cats can easily become trapped in appliances like dryers and, well the unspeakable can happen. Just like thumping the hood of your car before starting it, always do a kitty head-count and double check that your laundry doesn't have more cat hair in it than usual. You know, like a whole cat. 

5. Keep Them Cozy

The safest pet is the cozy pet. Even in Florida, I bundle up in five layers of blankets and have been known to wear a knitted hat to bed. I may be a wuss, but I am a comfortable wuss. Likewise, your pets will probably be looking for the warmest spot in the house to lounge in. The best way to ensure your pet's comfort and safety in the winter is by making them a fort of blankets, getting them that super squishy pet bed, or (if you're the crafty type) knitting/crocheting them an enveloping basket of woolly warmth. 

Gracie models a crafty-knitted cat bed. Free instructions on how to make a "kitty pi" can be found by clicking on the link.

Murderface demonstrates another option for safe kitty warmth.

Amy of Vermont gets bonus points for this kitty's awesome name. Do you know what it's in tribute to, Adult Swim fans?

So when you're using those amazing thumbs of yours, you evolutionary wonder, I implore you to please consider the furry things this winter. They're counting on you to see it out -- some can't make it without you. 

This post dedicated in loving memory of Zion -- the gorgeous orange and white kitty posted in this thread -- and Gracie, curled up in her cat bed. You are remembered and sorely missed.